As the Crow Flies

The crow is perhaps the only bird which almost always flies straight to its target. Men, like crows, find what they are looking for and go to it. If they want to cross the road, they would do so in a straight line. While men are analogous to the species of crows, women are similar to every other species of birds there is.

Men are boring. You ask a man to do something, there are only two things which can happen; either he will do it or he won’t. And that is exactly how he’ll cross the road.

The GO Man

He starts crossing the road without much thought about what the traffic situation is. Mostly alpha male, he does not hesitate to make vehicles slow down (in some cases make them stop) by putting his palm up, and annoying the hell out of the other alpha males (who drive by giving a stare to this ignorant person).

The WAIT Man

He waits. Till the traffic clears. Till he is absolutely sure that it’s safe to cross without disturbing anyone’s route or speed. A nice guy, his is the shoulder women are looking for to rest their heads on.

That’s it. If you find a man who doesn’t fit the types, then it’s only because of the accompaniment of a woman. Doesn’t matter which Greek letter a guy represents, he will always be the reflection of the woman he is with.

Women are interesting. They think before they do, after they do, and also during they do, literally, anything. For every action, there is an equal, opposite, similar, simultaneous and metaphorical connection in a woman’s head. So when she’s crossing the road, there are at least an infinite number of things that she is thinking about, along with (and sometimes instead of) doing the thing that she is doing, that is, crossing the road.

The STOP-GO-STOP-GO-GO-GO-STOP Woman

She’s not entirely sure if she wants to cross the road. And then she, finally ready to cross, ends up on the road eyes closed tightly and ears covered with her hermetic palms while a car screeches in front of her. People usually run when in danger. This woman saves her most important things: eyes, ears and mouth. And yes, for those thinking how she protects her mouth: she screams, thereby creating an impenetrable ultrasonic sound barrier.

The GO Woman

Literally translates to the I-can-do-anything-a-man-can aka the Feminist Woman. Looking left/right while crossing the road is a waste of time for her. She happens to cross the road so fast that no one needs to stop for her. She’s already across the street before anyone realizes that she was on it. You can’t catch this woman. The only time that you’d be able get a glimpse of her is when she waits and turns around.

The GIGGLE-GO-GIGGLE-GIGGLE-GIGGLE-GO Woman

She is the evidence of how women enjoy something that men find boring. This woman actually has fun while crossing the road. If you’re crossing along with her then you’ll soon be a part of the chaos. Not only will she laugh at the silliness of the whole ordeal, but also she’ll make others feel like they are at a circus. Don’t be surprised to see the everything of the color pink on her.

The STOP Woman

Firstly, she’d only step her feet off the pavement. She doesn’t want to cross the road before there is enough time and space to do so. But she doesn’t have to wait too long in this fourth dimension. Being the cutest and the sweetest of all, someone always stops so that she can cross the road.

The GO-TAKE-TAKE-GO Woman

She is the born leader. She has made up her mind that people she’s crossing along with cannot cross the road. So she is going to take them (rather drag them) across the road herself. Confidence is her oomph factor. So much so, that you’d find her nose pointing up straight to the sky.

The KEEP GOING Woman

She’s pretty, beautiful, hot, suave and incredibly radiant. She is the queen. Her vibrant touch of the road is enough to make vehicles curve around her. It’s not her choice to keep going, she simply gets to. You’d want to look at her. You’d want to sense her aura. You should, it’s only natural. Just beware of the other queen traveling with you. Bear in mind, you do not want to upset the queen. Ever.

This list would never end. There are more species of birds for you to find. The crow is always on the lookout for new ones. He’d caw at every one of them, and if he doesn’t get a response then he’d curse at them. He finds it safe to assume that no bird can cross the road well. Some birds would even agree with the crow. That doesn’t mean he’s right though. The crow will never be right. So he should rather accept the truth and move on. He has better things to do than argue with a bird that chirps all day. So when sometimes crows take a flight without a destination, it’s not because they don’t know where they are going. It’s because as the crow flies, it’s almost always, at peace.

Disclaimer: This post is not supposed to suggest that women cannot cross the road, nor does it indicate in any way that women are bad drivers. Any resemblance to any of the thoughts or ideas of any individual reader is strictly coincidental and irrelevant to the content of the topic.