Star Wars

If you're reading this, it's likely that you don't care about Star Wars. You're rarer than a chicken not crossing the road. Join me on the dark side, 'cause yer a wizard, Harry.

If you aren't reading this, you don't know that I'm talking to you, but remember that I have sympathy for you. Today the worst thing that can happen to you, oh Star Wars fan(atic), is a spoiler spoiling your mood before you get a chance to devour the latest in the series numbered the way Yoda speaks (what I mean, if you know.)

I've watched only two Star Wars movies. I already knew the plot beforehand, and it made no difference to the enjoyment while watching them afterwards. No way am I enthusiastic or concerned about the new Star Wars movie, and I frankly don't care how it turns out to be.

Then why do I care about Star Wars spoilers?

Because even though Star Wars: The Force Awakens  is not the only exciting movie in the world no matter how much Disney might try to make you believe, it currently represents the worst epidemic of spoiler spraying I've seen in my life, and I don't want it to spread to other movies. 

A good friend of mine ruined the Hindi movie Kaal for me by revealing that Gangadhar is the real Shaktimaan. I told him how irrelevant the secret was to me, and laughed it off. But deep down inside I wanted to smush his smug face.

To be honest, the secret was quite obvious. I mean, Superman simply takes off the glasses, puts on a cape, and wears an underwear over his trousers, while Clark Kent shows no effort to disguise his accent even though he's from Krypton.

I've never found anybody better at telling the story than the movie itself. Even if the movie is terrible, I like to watch the terrible. I have a separate list of movies rated based on their ridiculousness; Jimmy is the best rated right now. So if you think you're performing a national service by revealing the plot of any movie under the pretense of how terrible you think it was, I will thank you by sending some life changing products of Telebrands to your door steps (cash on delivery; postage and handling additional.)

Once you're out of the theater, you've been to the promised land. You are in possession of the secret knowledge that nurtured your imagination, and can be used to destroy someone else's.

May the Force be with you while you live long and prosper, only if you don't spoil the fun. Or else.

Or else, somebody's gonna get a hurt real bad, like this kid.